For quite a long time I viewed myself as someone who knew who he was and what he wanted in life, believing that I understood to the core of who I was. However, with the work, I have been doing over the past few years, especially this past year, I understand now that what I came to believe about myself was in large part due to the programming and conditioning I had in my life. There is no blame for the conditioning I received because I fully understand that what we pick up is only because it has been passed down from generation to generation…We can only teach what we’ve learned. With that being said, much of the map of myself that I learned steered me into the opposite direction of who I truly am.
To the core, I had a sense of who I really was, but there was so much built up learned behaviors I took on to the point that I was in a deep denial so thick I couldn’t see underneath what I thought I had become. Over the past six months I have been intuitively engaging with life in a different way, and this Summer I learned even more about what was truly underneath the layers of my learned perceptions of myself. As I engaged with a map that finally resonated with my body and being, my life started to alter…things started to flow more often. And once I gave myself full permission to dive deep into this new but familiar understanding about myself that I had forgotten long ago, a huge weight being lifted. Of course, this doesn’t mean it is totally solved once and for all for me because our conditioning runs so deep it takes practice to stay true to myself because I can easily slip back into the conditioned unconscious ways of being if I am when I am not fully present.
We live in a world that is conditioning us to be a certain way, but the reality is that we are all so very different and it’s important for us to engage with our true nature and with life in a way that feels right for us…not how society and others believe is right for us.
The beautiful part about this though is that it is never too late to come back to ourselves. Sometimes we might need help from others with sifting through the mud of conditioning, but no matter how old we are, no matter how much conditioning we have had, as long as we have the desire, we have the opportunity to come home.
